Of Growing Children and Coping Mechanisms

Today was the first day of school for my two oldest. Third grade and second grade. (Aren't they cute?)

I'm very excited for them! A new school year was always one of my favorite times as a kid. It's a fresh start. Lots of new and fun things. Friends, old and new. Opportunities to learn cool, new material.

But as a mom, I find it tremendously difficult to hand my children over to the world again. The world can be cold and cruel. I know it's just elementary school and that they are in the capable hands of wonderful teachers. It's just very difficult to sit back and let them go. I cannot be with them, available to help or correct or comfort at any moment.

And they're just growing up so fast! Third and second grade?? How did this happen?! I never considered myself to be a helicopter mom and trust me, I love having a bit of a break, but it's always quite emotionally stirring to watch my children begin a new school year.

Between the contradicting emotions of the first day of school and feeling so overwhelmed with other things going on in my life right now this is what I want to do today:

Lay in bed. Eat. Cry a little. Eat. Lay on the coach. Eat. Watch TV while eating. And then eat some more.

Man, those bad habits and old coping mechanisms die hard!

But eating and crying and laying in bed aren't going to make me feel any better (most definitely worse!!) and not help me to accomplish the tremendous amount of things I need to accomplish this week.

So this is what I AM going to do today:

Pray. Get up. Turn on some loud music. Dance. Clean my bathrooms (it's Watercloset Wednesday after all!). Drink lots of water. Feed and nourish my body. Pray some more. Tackle my to do list with vigor. Clean my house. Do some computer work. Go for a walk. Make a treat for my kids and be ready to listen to all the great things they will have to say about their first day. 

Guess I better get busy!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fatter

My husband travels for work leaving me alone with a 2, 4, 6, and 8 year old. I know we are very fortunate to have a good job in bad economical times. And after two years of having an absent traveling husband, I've got this single parenting thing down. (Sometimes.)

What I don't have down is the emotional upheaval that inevitably happens every time Joe leaves. In fact, it begins happening even before he's out the door. A couple of days before his departure, I find myself bracing for it. "Bracing for it" means "trying not to sink into the depths of despair". "Depths of despair" means EMOTIONS GALORE!

Loneliness
Stress
Boredom
Worry
Fatigue
Anger
Frustration
Agitation
Apathy

We like to cover the full end of the dark side spectrum.

It's rough. And I only have to go for one to two weeks of absent husband at a time. I can't even imagine what it must be like to be a military wife where the weeks become months become years. (Although, I can't help but wonder what would be easier...Having your husband gone 7 months straight or 7 months in intermittent week segments throughout the year? It seems just when we get adjusted into a routine of Daddy being gone, he's back, "messing up" our system. Then, when we settle into having him around again, it's time for him to leave. Either way...it's not easy.)

On this blog I have made it no secret that I am an emotional eater. And guess what EMOTIONS GALORE does to an emotional eater?

I find myself eating or thinking about eating constantly when he is gone. I'll eat throughout the day as I deal with different kid and household issues. Without him here to eat, there are inevitable leftovers at dinner, so I find myself accidentally overeating at the dinner table. The real trouble comes when the kids are in bed and the house is dark and quiet and oh so lonely. Food is there to offer delicious companionship.

It is and probably always will be a constant struggle. Sometimes I win. Sometimes the food wins. This week...the food is winning. Ugh.