One Year Ago Yesterday

Yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary. I couldn't resist peeking back on the blog to see what I was whining about back then. I had this dim memory of being really excited about running one mile without stopping. Sure enough...I was thrilled with running one dinky little mile.

Wanna know how much I ran on my anniversary this year?

5 miles!

And wanna know how much weight I lost since my last anniversary?

Last year on July 11th I was pretty thrilled with being at 251.3. That meant I had lost 30.2 pounds so far.

This year on July 11th I weighed 194.4. That's 56.9 pounds lost since my last wedding anniversary!!! and 87.1 total pounds lost over my weight loss journey!!

Do you know how amazing that feels?!

For anyone who is reading this and thinking, "Well, sure...That was easy for you. But I can't do it..."

SHUT UP!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

This was anything but easy for me! If you've read this blog at all over the last year or so you've heard me whine and cry and complain. You've seen me fail over and over again. You've watched me fall off the bandwagon only to keep getting up and getting back on. So many times over.

I have worked for every single pound lost and I have worked hard.

But that doesn't make it an impossible thing either. This weight loss thing ain't easy, but it's so so so worth it. I am so much happier than I was a year ago. I used to struggle with depression constantly. I hated myself. I hated my life. I hated my body. That depression is not totally gone, but it is so much easier to deal with now.

I have a confidence now that I did not have a year ago. I actually like to leave my house and see people now. I can do things, miraculous things, like run 6 miles at a time or hike a mountain or play with my kids or shop in the "normal" clothes section at the store or walk into a running store without (much) fear or pose for a picture and not loathe the person I see on the image.

If you are considering a weight loss journey of your own this is my advice to you:

Give yourself a year. Realize that this is no simple easy little trip. This takes dedication, persistence, and hard work. Don't fall apart because you haven't lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks. Give yourself time. Give yourself a break.

Even if you can only do one pushup, that's one more pushup than you could do sitting on the couch. Even if you crash off your healthy eating and go psycho on a bag of Oreos, you don't have to give up. Try harder the next day. And keep going the next day. And the next and the next and the next. Until one day you look back and realized you have become a different person. You'll be cranking out pushups and ignoring Oreos like nobody's business.

YOU CAN DO IT!!! For reals! Just get up and do it!

My daughter watches this stupid cartoon on Netflix. Something about Sky Dancers. They say this phrase over and over again. "If it is to be, it's up to me!" SOOOOOOO true my friends! No one else is going to drag you off the couch. No one is going to shove you out the door. No one is going to dump that 44 oz soda cup out. It's up to YOU. If it's gonna happen it's because YOU did it. And how sweet will the success be when you know YOU did it?

Word.

Goal. Accomplished.

Lose 81.6 pounds by 31st birthday (April 18, 2012).

HAPPY Birthday to me!

P.S. I didn't starve myself yesterday.

80 Pounds GONE! I am Octo-Mom!

It's Monday/weigh-in day and guess what?!

I finally hit the 80 pound mark this week!
It's official! I have lost 80 pounds since I started back in May 2011!

That...is amazing. Not to sound cocky or anything, but come on! 80 pounds. Gone.

Back in May of last year I did not think it could happen. But in less than a year I made it happen. I have worked and sweated and cried and struggled and whined and complained and skipped a workout here or there and ate veggies and cheated once in awhile and prayed and stared at myself in the mirror and wondered and planned and hoped and...and...and...

I'm getting there! I am achieving what I set out to do. Even when I didn't believe myself that it could happen.

Now, back to earth...I still have 1.5 pounds to lose before Wednesday if I want to make my goal of being under 200 by my 31st birthday. Maybe if I fast on Tuesday...

I'm not promoting starvation as a good weight loss technique, but for one day I might bend the rules. It would really stink to come so close and not make the cut. Even if it is a self-inflicted cut.

(Now I'm a cutter??? That didn't come out right.)

Something I did good this week: I FINALLY bought myself a new pair of running shoes! It was so overdue, but I had no money, no time, and no nerves to let someone evaluate my running. I'm glad I got over all those hurdles and made it happen. (More about this later.)

Something I could improve on: Getting my workout done earlier in the day. I need to wake up before the kids. It gets harder and harder as the day goes on to make a workout happen. It would be so much easier on myself to just get up and get it out of the way. Ugh. I hate waking up early.

Less Giant, but Less Jolly.

I've been a truly pathetic blogger and for once it's truly due to more than my own lack of laziness. My computer and Blogger have been at odds for the last month. They just don't play nice.

The same could be said for my current mental state and a medication I have started recently to ease chronic dizziness I have suffered with since the birth of my last baby over a year ago. Quite frankly, I don't need any help sinking into a dark and lonely place. I tend to be rather prone to depression as it is. This last year exercise and finding health have been my saving grace. I haven't felt depressed in months and months. But in a few short days these meds seem more than willing to push me over the edge. I don't want to exercise. I don't want to eat healthy. I dont want to have self control. I don't even want to get out of bed.

This is way more information than you ever wanted on a weight loss blog I'm sure, but trust me...my mental state more than affects how my weight loss and journey to health is progressing.

Without going into much detail...it's been a rough couple of weeks. I hardly let myself celebrate the fact that I hit the 70 pounds lost mark. That's a huge milestone but it hardly put a blip on my radar.

I've made a call to my doctor and he's changing the medication. I'd much rather deal with dizziness than feel like this. This dark, cold place is going to do nothing but balloon me right back to almost 300 pounds. And I just can't go back there. For so many reasons.

Sorry it's not all sunshine and rainbows and ponies here today. But that's life. Gotta have the downs to appreciate the ups, right?