Of Growing Children and Coping Mechanisms

Today was the first day of school for my two oldest. Third grade and second grade. (Aren't they cute?)

I'm very excited for them! A new school year was always one of my favorite times as a kid. It's a fresh start. Lots of new and fun things. Friends, old and new. Opportunities to learn cool, new material.

But as a mom, I find it tremendously difficult to hand my children over to the world again. The world can be cold and cruel. I know it's just elementary school and that they are in the capable hands of wonderful teachers. It's just very difficult to sit back and let them go. I cannot be with them, available to help or correct or comfort at any moment.

And they're just growing up so fast! Third and second grade?? How did this happen?! I never considered myself to be a helicopter mom and trust me, I love having a bit of a break, but it's always quite emotionally stirring to watch my children begin a new school year.

Between the contradicting emotions of the first day of school and feeling so overwhelmed with other things going on in my life right now this is what I want to do today:

Lay in bed. Eat. Cry a little. Eat. Lay on the coach. Eat. Watch TV while eating. And then eat some more.

Man, those bad habits and old coping mechanisms die hard!

But eating and crying and laying in bed aren't going to make me feel any better (most definitely worse!!) and not help me to accomplish the tremendous amount of things I need to accomplish this week.

So this is what I AM going to do today:

Pray. Get up. Turn on some loud music. Dance. Clean my bathrooms (it's Watercloset Wednesday after all!). Drink lots of water. Feed and nourish my body. Pray some more. Tackle my to do list with vigor. Clean my house. Do some computer work. Go for a walk. Make a treat for my kids and be ready to listen to all the great things they will have to say about their first day. 

Guess I better get busy!

Donut Distress

Over my weight loss journey I have learned (and relearned and relearned) a very important lesson.

Important Lesson: When I am very good about only having ONE single solitary treat a week, I am so much more successful at losing and keeping weight off.

That may seem extreme to some. It may not seem extreme enough to others. It's not total abstinence from goodies and sugar, but it's a way I have found to still indulge, but not lose total self-control.

So when I am being very good, I plan ahead and ponder (sometimes rather obsessively) on just what my one special treat will be for the week. If I'm only going to be able to have one, I want to make it gooooood.

I think about what I've been craving most. Chocolate. Ice cream. Soft pretzel. Chocolate. No Bake Cookies. Cheesecake. Chocolate. Icee. Coke. Chocolate. It's usually chocolate.

I want my treat to be high quality and fresh and hot or cold or whatever condition it needs to be in to be at it's peak of deliciousness. If I'm going to consume those empty calories, they need to be the most amazing empty calories I have ever eaten!

So this week, all week, every single day and night, I have been dreaming about donuts. Hometown Bakery chocolate cake with chocolate frosting donuts to be exact. Soft, moist, sweet, delicious! I'm not the biggest donut fan, but these just call my name.

Over the week there was more than one occasion where the thought popped in my head, "They sell Hometown Bakery chocolate cake with chocolate frosting donuts just half a mile down the road at the gas station. Just go grab one really quick. It's okay. You've had a hard week with the kids. It's okay. You've been really good today. You got your exercise done. It's just one little donut. Do it! Eat it! Just go! NOW!"

But I shoved those naughty thoughts aside and eagerly waited for today, my treat day.

After running a couple of errands, we stopped at Hometown Bakery. Now if you're going to eat a donut, this is the way to do it. Straight from the bakery. Fresh and soft. Delicious. In the past we would purchase a dozen (or more) of these bad boys and devour a few before we even got home. Then I would pick at the rest for the next day or two until I had eaten more than my fair share of a dozen sugary, fatty, enriched, carb-filled donuts. This time I told everyone they could pick out ONE. One donut for each of us. No donuts leftover=no temptation.

My daughter held them lovingly in her lap all the way home. She placed them on the counter and I dashed to the bathroom. When I indulge in my ONE treat, I make sure every single circumstance is right. I don't want to be hurried or distracted by anything. Full bladders, noisy kids, the phone, the computer, the TV, NOTHING gets in the way of my weekly treat experience. That's right. I typed "experience". Because that's exactly what it is. Smell, sight, touch, taste, even sound. All those senses are coming to the party.

So...Kids outside? Check. (Good. No one begging for a bite or asking me to tie their shoes.) Bladder? Empty. Hands? Washed. Now...on to get my Hometown Bakery chocolate cake with chocolate frosting donut that I've been planning on, dreaming about, abstaining for all week long.

WHAT THE--?!?

Where's my donut?! My fresh Hometown Bakery chocolate cake with chocolate frosting donut?! WHERE?!

Panicked, I ran outside. And it was there that I found my donut. The donut I had been craving all week. The donut I had shunned all other goodies for. The donut I had saved myself for. The donut I had lovingly chosen from the dozens of other donuts. The donut I had been savoring even before I had held it in my hands.

At first I tried to laugh about it. Ha ha! Those darn two year olds. He...he...

I even plucked it from her hands, triaging it to see if it was worth saving. It wasn't.

I tried to convince myself I didn't really need it. "I'm tougher than donuts these days."

I even thought about running down to the gas station to get another one that was "only" a day old.

But after I saw her toss it on the ground, half-eaten, for the neighbor dog, I walked into the house and had one of these moments:


It's quite possible that big wet tears came to my eyes and began rolling down my cheeks. Read "quite possible" as: it happened.

And it was in that moment, as I was crying over one stupid lost chocolate donut--a fully grown, 32 year old woman, a mother of four, someone who has been through a two year weight loss journey--that I realized just how emotionally connected I am to food. How I will always be connected no matter how much I weigh. How I will eternally struggle with this addiction, just the same as an alcoholic or a drug addict will wrestle with life long demons and temptations.

Now this isn't an entirely original realization. I've known for a long time how bound my emotions are to food. It was just so sudden and shocking and embarrassing that it became instantly and starkly obvious. My husband walked in the house and caught me in my "moment". I don't know if he could understand what was going through my head. But at least Ross does.

And if he doesn't, Monica for sure does.

I'm sure there's some clever line that should go here about how you can take the fat from the fat girl, but you can never take the "fat girl" problems from the girl.

Vlog Vednesday: Of Candy and Competitions

HERE is my blog post on how to dry pack Easter candy.

And HERE is my vlog on how to dry pack Easter candy.

A Fresh Start

It's April 1st. Easter was yesterday. Spring is in full swing. Everything is fresh and new and ready to start.

Me too!

Time for a fresh start. A renewed dedication to weight loss and healthy living. I realized with horror that I have gained back 20 of the 102 pounds I originally lost. Today I am 199.0 pounds. Sure, some of it is muscle from marathon training, but some of it is the late night fast food, the sodas, the potato chips I just have to have with tuna fish sandwiches, the chocolate eaten after the kids go to bed.

I've fallen back into some bad habits, but I'm going to do something about it before I fall back to the weight I was almost two years ago.

To motivate myself and hopefully others who have been asking for some help, I started The Jolly Green Giant Health and Fitness Challenge. It officially began today and there are a lot of positive vibes and motivational stories floating around over there. Over there being Facebook where the group is online.

There are nursing moms, working moms, single moms, moms over 50, people who aren't moms, people who battle depression, people who endure chronic conditions, those who want to lose 10 pounds, those who want to lose 50 or more, those who are in the middle of moving, a few overseas people, a few students, a few runners, several who don't exercise at all, and all ready to make a change in their life. It's very inspiring!

I have great hopes for all of them and for myself!

I challenged them this week to make one (or two) realistic goals for the eight-week challenge and to write them down. Here is mine:

No sugar five days a week. Only one serving of treats the other two days.

Sugar really is my biggest nemesis when it comes to weight loss. If I could lay off the sugar I could unlock all sorts of possibilities. More energy, more success on the scale, less emotional eating, less self-depreciation. It all seems to lay on my ability to avoid the sweet stuff.

Of course I'm hoping if I can stick to that goal that I will see lots of other goals come to fruition. 20-40 pound weight loss. Fit back into wedding dress. Run marathon without dying. Have more energy and physical ability all around.

Here's to a fresh start!

It's Vlog Vednesday, but...

It's Vlog Vednesday, but I was pretty busy with a million little things, so there's no vlog today. My apologies.

It's a "rest" day, at least a rest day for my legs, which I somehow still managed to use a lot today thanks to my To Do list.

I know it's important that I rest. Monday, I ran 5 miles on the treadmill. Tuesday, I ran 8 miles. And I didn't finish until 11 pm. Told you I was busy. I was worried I would be up all night from the adrenaline of the run, but nope. I slept like a log. Whew.

Tomorrow I plan to get 17 miles in. That will be my longest run to date. Woo.

There's no vlog today, but I did want to share this little gem of a Youtube video. My kids and I love this one. It makes us laugh every single time we watch it. And I laugh partly because I'm really hoping only 50% of it is true as I will be in his place in only 7 and a half weeks. (Eek!)



"Don't pants your poop! Don't pants your poop!"

Kale Chips, Competitions, and Cancellations

Weeellll...thanks to "lake effect" weather and six inches of brand new snow, the half marathon was cancelled. Rats! Part of me was relieved to not have to trudge through half a foot of snow and part of me was actually disappointed not to test myself through half a foot of snow. After training through the winter, it's not like running in the snow is such a bizarre concept.

And part of me was really, really, REALLY not looking forward to 16 miles on a treadmill, but I hopped on it before I had too much time to think about it. Four episodes of "Lost", three hours, and sixteen miles later I was done. Whew! Not totally unpleasant, but I sure hope Spring will start sticking around so my longer runs can be done outside on a more consistent basis. To look on the bright side, it was the longest run I've ever done on a treadmill. I think up to today, my longest was eight miles. So...new personal record!

In a week, on April 1st, I will be hosting a weight loss competition. This is the same weight loss competition I did back in the fall of last year that helped me to kick a plateau I had been hanging on to for months and months. The competitive edge helped me to build a little self-control and to realize that sugar consumption is no good for sustainable weight loss. One thing, among many, that I love about this particular weight loss competition is that it is about more than just dropping pounds. It teaches and builds healthy habits that can be used far longer than any silly little competition. It's all about living a healthy, balanced life.

This weight loss competition that I'm hosting will be eight weeks long, with two winners at the end that will split the pot equally. One winner for highest weight loss percentage and one winner for most points earned. Buy-in is $25. You earn points for doing daily tasks and weekly bonus challenges. All of it will be kept track of on charts that I will share online. In fact, it's all done online, so you don't have to be physically present to participate. Oh! And no pictures and no sharing of weight. Only one person will know your weight and that will either be me or my friend Megan who hosted this competition the first time I did it.

And did I mention the first time I did it...I won over $300 for having the highest weight loss percentage? Weight loss competitions work! If you want to find out for yourself, comment below or message me and I'll be happy to answer any questions you have or include you in this competition.

Finally, I wanted to share a quick and easy recipe. I was looking for ways to pack in all the healthy vegetables I could the few days leading up to the half marathon. You know...the cancelled half marathon. Sigh.  Plus I had the nervous munchies with the anxiety and anticipation of a race. Instead of scarfing down a bag of potato chips, I made kale chips. Kale is really, really good for you and this is only one of the many ways you can incorporate it into your daily diet.

Kale Chips

One bunch of kale
olive oil
sea salt (or whatever kind of salt you have)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Rinse and pat or shake dry the kale. Tear the leaves into bite-sized pieces. Toss in a bowl with a little bit of olive oil and a very little bit of salt. (Trust me on adding minimal salt. The first time I did it I added too much and was gagging on the chips. The second time, I was pretty careful about adding just a bit and still found them to be a bit too salty. A little bit goes a long way.) Spread the kale out evenly on a cookie sheet and bake for about 12 minutes or until crispy. Kale will "crispify" as it cools too. Enjoy!

This is a much healthier option than potato chips or pretzels and a yummy way to sneak in even more veggies in your day. My kids polished a pan full of these off as they waited for dinner to finish cooking. Kid tested. Mother approved!

Gas Powered Marthoner

In a few minutes I'll be heading to bed. Gotta get some beauty sleep before I run a half marathon plus three miles tomorrow morning. But first I thought I would share what I'm eating the night before a long run.

I've really been trying to eat cleaner this week since I discovered on Tuesday that I would be participating in a race this Saturday. Emphasis on "trying". I'm not perfect in what I eat, but I've done a little better in squeezing in more veggies and healthier carbs.

While I'm not "carb-loading" tonight in the sense that most people think of, I am eating a delicious, healthy soup full of protein and carbs. Satisfying and filling and certain to power me through 16 miles. Even if it ends up being gas power from all these beans. ;)



My little helper for the evening...Elle

Chicken Taco Soup (adapted from a friend's vegetarian taco soup)

Olive oil
1 or 2 cans chopped green chilies
1 medium onion, chopped
3 TBSPs homemade GF taco seasoning (or 1 pkg taco seasoning)
1 can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 can Great Northern white beans, drained and rinsed
2 (14 ounce) cans of peeled, cut tomatoes (or 1 qt canned stewed tomatoes)
1 can yellow hominy (or corn)
1 can white hominy (or corn)
1 pound chicken, shredded (My canned chicken breast works perfectly for this!)
2 TBSP salsa (optional)
2 to 3 cups of water
1 to 2 tsps chicken bouillon, to taste
salt and pepper to taste

In a large pot, sauté onion and chilies in oil for about 3 minutes. Add the rest of the ingredients and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes. Serve with tortilla chips, grated cheddar cheese, and sour cream.

A few notes...This can very easily be a vegetarian meal; just leave out the chicken and bouillon!

If you are using chicken, a rotisserie chicken, such as the ones they sell at Costco, works very well for this recipe. Or you can just prepare some chicken breasts and shred them.

The beans are flexible, in that, you could put in whatever beans you have on hand. Black beans, kidney beans, navy beans, etc.

This recipe was my first encounter with hominy. If you've never had it, you've got to give it a try! Hominy is a form of corn, but it's just not the same. It has a fantastic, almost chewy texture which I love. It can be found near the canned beans in your grocery store or in the ethnic food aisle.

I love this recipe because it is a "dump it all in and simmer for a bit" kind of recipe. It's gluten- and dairy-free too. And I'm a sucker for a good hearty soup too, especially on a snowy day such as this one.

Yep. Snow. In March. The day before a half marathon race. I keep getting antsy about it, but then I remember...Oh yeah. I've been training all winter. This ain't nothing. Wish me luck!