A Fresh Start

It's April 1st. Easter was yesterday. Spring is in full swing. Everything is fresh and new and ready to start.

Me too!

Time for a fresh start. A renewed dedication to weight loss and healthy living. I realized with horror that I have gained back 20 of the 102 pounds I originally lost. Today I am 199.0 pounds. Sure, some of it is muscle from marathon training, but some of it is the late night fast food, the sodas, the potato chips I just have to have with tuna fish sandwiches, the chocolate eaten after the kids go to bed.

I've fallen back into some bad habits, but I'm going to do something about it before I fall back to the weight I was almost two years ago.

To motivate myself and hopefully others who have been asking for some help, I started The Jolly Green Giant Health and Fitness Challenge. It officially began today and there are a lot of positive vibes and motivational stories floating around over there. Over there being Facebook where the group is online.

There are nursing moms, working moms, single moms, moms over 50, people who aren't moms, people who battle depression, people who endure chronic conditions, those who want to lose 10 pounds, those who want to lose 50 or more, those who are in the middle of moving, a few overseas people, a few students, a few runners, several who don't exercise at all, and all ready to make a change in their life. It's very inspiring!

I have great hopes for all of them and for myself!

I challenged them this week to make one (or two) realistic goals for the eight-week challenge and to write them down. Here is mine:

No sugar five days a week. Only one serving of treats the other two days.

Sugar really is my biggest nemesis when it comes to weight loss. If I could lay off the sugar I could unlock all sorts of possibilities. More energy, more success on the scale, less emotional eating, less self-depreciation. It all seems to lay on my ability to avoid the sweet stuff.

Of course I'm hoping if I can stick to that goal that I will see lots of other goals come to fruition. 20-40 pound weight loss. Fit back into wedding dress. Run marathon without dying. Have more energy and physical ability all around.

Here's to a fresh start!

Fresh New Year, Fresh New Start

Is anyone surprised that after months of absence that I am checking in here at The Jolly Green Giant with the arrival of the new year?

Nah.

My guess is today your mind is similarly occupied: "Let's do something about all this extra body clutter!"

In the spirit of the new year, I'm forgiving myself of the failure of the past several months and giving myself the gift of a fresh new start. Ahhh. Now doesn't that feel better?

Not to turn up my nose at 2011 or anything. It wasn't a total failure. I lost 54.7 pounds in the year 2011. I ran my first 10K race. I learned how to be healthier and happier. I ditched all my maternity clothes and "fat" clothes. My "skinny" clothes are on the verge of being my "fat" clothes. All in all, not a total loss.

But here's to making 2012 an even better and more successful year! A year where I get closer to becoming the person I want to be.

I'm emptying out my goal list from 2011 and recording it here.
Exercise one day.
Exercise 3 days in a row.
Exercise every day for a week (6 days).
Lose 10 pounds.
Start P90X (03 Oct 2011)
Run 1 mile without stopping.
Lose 25 pounds.
Lose 30 pounds.
Run 2 miles without stopping.
Run 3 miles without stopping.
Run 4 miles without stopping.
Lose 40 pounds.
Run 6 miles without stopping.
Run 10 miles.
Join the gym.
Try Zumba.
Try Spinning.
Master the Plow (yoga balance position).
Hike a mountain.
Learn how to lift weights correctly.
Complete P90X.
Lose 50 pounds.
Run a 10K. {Pocatello Gap~03 Sep 2011~1:13}
Lose 60 pounds.
Lose 70 pounds.
Lose 75 pounds.
Run a Half Marathon. {Pocatello Gap September 2012}
Lose 81.6 pounds by Cee's 1st birthday (January 20, 2012).
Lose 90 pounds.
Lose 100 pounds.
Run a Marathon.
Keep weight off for one year.
Be healthy for LIFE!

And then it's time for a new goal list for 2012 (even if it is a tad familiar):

Today, January 2, 2012, I am 5'10" and weigh 226.8 pounds. I wear a size 18-20 dress and pant size. In 365 days I still want to be 5'10" and stable at 175 pounds, wearing a size 12-14.

Run 1 mile without stopping.
Run 2 miles without stopping.
Run 3 miles without stopping.
Run 5 miles without stopping.
Run 7 miles without stopping.
Run 10 miles without stopping.
Try Zumba.
Try Spinning.
Complete P90X.
Hike something big.
Lose 10 pounds.
Lose 20 pounds.
Lose 25 pounds by 31st birthday {April 18, 2012}.
Lose 30 pounds.
Lose 40 pounds.
Lose 50 pounds.
Run first half marathon {Portneuf Gap ~ September 2012}
*(to be modified)

The Funny Thing about Goals...

I made a rather tough choice today.

I decided to drop my goal to run a half marathon. At least a half marathon in October. At least one I have to pay for.

I received some rotten news earlier this week that has seriously impacted our family's finances. There just isn't going to be extra money to be used for stuff like racing fees.

This doesn't mean I'm giving up on running altogether.

But in a way...I'm kind of relieved that I don't have the money. I'm losing my oomph when it comes to running. It's getting really boring actually. I find myself beginning to dread the long runs. Just too long. Too much time away from my family and my mommy duties. It's getting too hard to fit in to a busy school day as the weather gets colder, the days get shorter, and the kids need more mommy help with homework, reading, etc.

My goals need a little freshening up. I'm not giving up on weight loss. I'm not giving up on running. I'm not even giving up on a half marathon. I just have to delay it for a bit. The goal is already set to complete one in September 2012.

I want to try something different. Maybe a little Zumba? A little spinning? Some P90X? These happen to be other goals of mine. And if I can convince Joe to join me...Even better.

The funny thing about goals is...they change. As I change they are changing with me. And that is a very good thing.

This is scary...

I must be insane.

My stomach sure thinks so. It gets all queasy and crampy every time I think about what I have committed myself to today. I keep having to run to the bathroom just from the pure anxiety, fear, and excitement that are wreaking havoc on my intestines.

What's got me so crazy?

I decided to bite the bullet and start training for a half marathon. THIS half marathon in fact.



*runs to bathroom*

I'm scared to death! I'm excited beyond belief! I'm definitely insane.

Running. 13.1 miles.

I weigh 246.5 pounds. I can only run about a mile without stopping. I have four little kids.

But I have 14 and a half weeks to train.
I have a willing heart.
And I even have a sister who has agreed to do it with me!

I can do this. I can do this? I can do this!

I think...

Gangrene Goals

My goals are not working out for me. It's time to change them up.

All of my goals are based on running and after three weeks of trying to run I have had to confess that my body is not ready to run right now. My knees went from irritated to hurt to painful to tear-inducing torture. I began to dread my running days and looking for excuses to get out of it.

Plus my 5 month old baby Cee grew wise to my running routine.

She used to be content to sit in the stroller and sleep or watch. Now she screams the entire 45 minutes. I would run a lap. Pat her and try to soothe her. Run another lap. Pat. Soothe. Run. Soothe. Run. Soothe. It didn't work. Two--TWO!-- moms came wandering by looking to see where the neglected baby was at. It was embarrassing and frustrating.

Have you ever tried to run while listening to a screaming, not crying, but freaking-out-screaming baby???

It feels like trying to jog with someone jogging at your side saying, "You can't do this. You're a bad mom. You're wrong to try. You're fat. Give up. You CAN'T. Just stop."

When I realized how often the word "can't" was rolling through my brain, I started talking to myself out loud to drown out the pessimism.

"I CAN do this. I NEED to this. I am NOT a bad mom. I CAN do this!"

But between the crying knees and crying baby...I have to call it quits. Not on exercise altogether. Just on jogging for right now. This is not positive exercise.

Maybe when Cee is a little older.
Maybe when I'm fifty pounds lighter.
Maybe when my husband is in town longer than the weekend and I don't have four littles along for the ride.

But now I have this list of goals that includes running miles and 5Ks and even a marathon. I don't know what goals to make if they don't involve distances like that. Where do I go from here? I'm afraid my exercise motivation is wandering.

I keep meaning to officially start P90X, but I'll admit it. I'm scared. Pull ups? Push ups? Eek!

I feel like I have hit a wall. I know there's a way over it. I just don't know how yet.

One month in...

I was absolutely dreading this morning's weigh-in. I have been a bad girl.

Ice cream WITH hot fudge what? Possibly steak and shrimp on date night too. And maybe a few other meal mishaps.

*cringing*

I stepped on the scale expecting a gain, but somehow...managed a 2.9 pound loss.

I'm such a jerk to myself. Instead of celebrating that 2.9 loss I immediately started flogging myself for not sticking to healthier eating habits and not losing more.

Will I ever be content with myself??? *sigh*

Well, 2.9 pounds lost this week takes me to a 15.5 pound loss total since 09 May 2011, about a month ago.

15.5 pounds lost. I like the sound of that. So much so that I am going to rededicate myself. And make a few new rules for myself.

No eating after 8 pm.
Limit sugar more. (How much more? I'm still not exactly sure. I tend to be an all or nothing kind of girl. Is it time to make sugar off-limits??? I admire you gals out there who only let yourself have one treat a week. That's the kind of self control I'm aiming for. Can I do it???)