Big Fat Hypocrite (Only not as big and fat as before!)

Down another 3.1 pounds today!! Bringing me to a total of 12.1 pounds lost since January 1, 2012 and 66.8 pounds lost since I started this little weight loss journey last May. I weigh 214.7 pounds! I'm getting ever closer to being under that 200 mark!

To celebrate I bought a new set of workout clothes. I desperately need some new stuff. The clothes I'm wearing to exercise in could probably stand on their own with the body stench that is permanently stuck on them. That is...if they weren't so worn out and holey.

Don't worry. I work out at home. No one gets to see this mess, except my children. Poor things.

Anyway! New clothes! Yea! And guess what they're made out of?!

SPANDEX!!!!

Bahahahahahahahahaha! I think I'm hilarious for being a big old fat hypocrite. It was only three measly days ago that I said I didn't intend on wearing spandex.

But I couldn't resist. It's just so breathable and flexible and gosh...almost kinda sorta flattering. My bum never looked so supported.

I couldn't wait to try it on. I looked in the mirror and actually smiled at what I saw. So I thought I would be brave and take a picture so I could finally share a picture with the blog. But...my husband is out of town and the children aren't exactly photographers. We tried, but I just ended up with blurry body parts.

So I tried to shoot a few myself in my bedroom mirror. And when I looked at the pics I was rather embarrassed. Apparently what I am seeing in the mirror isn't what other people would be seeing. The spandex isn't as "hawt" as I initially thought it was.

Thus...I'm not ready to show you a bunch of pics of me in it.

Kind of dumb really. I'm willing to tell you my weight, but not show you the pictures.

Really dumb.

Okay.

Just one.

Hee hee.

Okay. For reals. Ugh.

This was my attempt at not showing off my church lady arms.

Flip.

Let's just get this over with. One day I can look back at these and see how far I've come.

Ready? Go.

Oh it gets worse. Wait for it...Wait for it...

And the side view.

That was the hard picture to see. I mean--not only is my room a mess (do laundry much?), but look at that gut. I know it's not as big as it used to be, but sheesh... I've got some serious ab work ahead of me.

Onward and upwards, my friends. Onwards and upwards. (Too bad my poor saggy boobs will never get to that last part.)

So! Now that I've mutilated and humiliated myself in front of the world....

Something I did great this week: I CAN RUN 30 MINUTES WITHOUT STOPPING! Sure! Maybe you look great in spandex, but CAN YOU DO THAT??!

And something I could improve upon: Abs. Gotta break down, lay down, and get down to it.

What I'm listening to this week: When the Kids Go to Sleep Podcasts

Define: "Runner"

This week I have been asking myself a lot of questions. Or maybe just lots of questions that basically boil down to one question.

What qualifies one as a "runner"?

I ask myself this because one day I want to be a "runner".

I enjoy running. It makes me feel powerful and amazing and brilliant and dynamic and proactive and accomplished and just about every other synonym you can find in a thesaurus under the word "awesome". I run three days a week. I have finished a 5K and a 10K race. I am already registered and paid for a half marathon in September. In the back of my mind I have this craving to finish a full marathon some day.

The desire is definitely there.

But if I were to videotape myself running and post it for others to see, I imagine "others" wouldn't classify me as a "runner".

I weigh over 200 pounds.
My shoes should have been replaced ages ago.
My workout clothes consist of ratty T-shirts and worn-out exercise pants bought on clearance 5 years ago.
My mile time is probably well over 10 minutes.
I've only run in two races, a 5k and a 10k.
I didn't run consistently through the fall and am just starting to run routinely again with the new year.
And when I say "run" I probably should say something more like "wog" (walking/jogging).

So, am I a "runner"???

It's not a rhetorical question. I want to know what a person must do to become such. Tell me.

At the same time, I don't want anyone to figuratively pat me on the back with lovely words such as "No worries, mate. You're a *cough* runner."

Please. Don't "Sweet Spirit" me. I know I'm not the prettiest girl at the ball, but I want to know that I belong at the ball. And if I don't belong at the ball, how do I get in? Without sneaking through the back exit that is.

Never mind how un-"runner" I am now. I can buy new shoes, new clothes. I can train more. I will be under 200 someday and someday very soon.

But...There are people walking amongst us that you just know. They run.

They are lean and long.
They carry water bottles.
They wear spandex. Confidently.
They rock a messy ponytail.
They drive Subaru's.

These people, these runners, migrated in concentrated masses at a hotel the day before my 10K race back in September. The runners had come to pick up their bibs and to mingle with like-minded people.

I knew it from the second I stepped out of the car. I didn't belong.

I tried not to hunch and hide as I stood beside my sister who was running the half marathon the next day, who is a "runner". Many people simply ignored me as they immediately embraced her as one of their own, animatedly talking to her about things like "stride" and "pace" and "PRs".

I knew what they were talking about. I had read several books on running. I had trained. I had lost 50 pounds in the process. Yet, I wasn't a runner. Not that day. And maybe not even this day that I write these words.

This year, while I don't intend on wearing spandex or purchasing a Subaru, I will walk amongst those runners as one of their own kind. This year I won't be ignored. This year I will become a runner.

Whatever that is exactly.

Thanks Mom

My mom called me yesterday and asked for some advice on how to begin running. I was really happy to be asked. When it comes to running, the more the merrier. She explained to me that during a workout she had recently ran in place for 10 minutes.

10 minutes?

Geez. I can't even do that.

Sure, I ran a 10K (6 plus miles) without stopping last September, but my running has been hit and miss since then. With the start of the new year I resolved to get myself back into running at least 3 times a week. So far I've been running on the treadmill while Pandora.com plays in the background.

Run one song. Walk one song. Run one song. Walk. Run. Etc.

Last week I was so proud of myself for "pushing" to running one and a half songs and then walking half or one song. At best that's only 6 or 7 minutes of constant running.

And my mom can run 10?

Dangit.

By no means is my mom decrepit or incapable. It's just...She's my mom. She's older wiser and she hasn't run regularly or in a 10K race like I have. I have to admit, as happy as I was to hear her taking an interest in running, this was a low blow to my ego. It just simply wouldn't do.

So as I stepped on the treadmill the next day--today--I had one goal in mind.

10 minutes. No. Wait. More than 10 minutes.

25 minutes later...

I stepped off the treadmill sweaty, worked, accomplished.

There really is something to that whole "mind over matter" business. I thought I was barely making it through 5 minutes and that I was working so hard going for a whole long amazing 5 minutes. How on earth did 5 really difficult minutes turn into 25 minutes?

It's not my body that limits me. It's my brain.

I can do anything. I just need to believe I can.

"Whether you think you can or you can't...you're right."

So thank you, Mom, for inspiring me to do better and for pushing me out of my comfort zone! And way to go on running yourself. How 'bout a little half-marathon in September, eh??? Love you!

Out of Control

0.7 pounds lost this week. That makes a total of 9.0 pounds lost in 2012.

Nope. I'm not surprised at all with such a pathetic loss this weigh-in. I fell apart the last couple of days. I got busy with Baby Cee's birthday party preparations. And then I just got lazy. And then I just got out of control.

I really hate the relationship I have with food.

But then I am a self-proclaimed "all or nothing" kind of gal.

One day I'll learn to stick it to my nature and achieve balance.

One thing I did well this week: On my running days I ran to one and a half songs (instead of just one song), walked one, ran one and a half, etc.

One thing I can improve upon: Making sure I get my workouts done in the morning. This sure seems to help me be more in control throughout the rest of the day.

What I'm listening to: I don't know. I seem to be pushing "Next" a lot these days. Any musical suggestions for me??

Slow and Steady Loses the Weight

Only 1.1 pounds lost this week, but that's 1.1 pounds in the right direction. I can deal with that.

This last week was a bit of a struggle eating wise. My son turned 7 on Friday and I just couldn't resist that piece of cake...or two...over the weekend. Ugh.

The thing is...even though I'm on a weight loss journey and I truly want to be successful I don't want to become such a Nazi about it that I can't relax and enjoy a little cake at a birthday party. Noshing on cucumber slices while everyone else eats cake sounds pretty ugly to me. There has to be a balance somewhere and I'm hoping to find that balance as I continue on.

In my defense, I didn't drink any pop or go crazy on all the other treats sitting around. And I made sure to get my workouts done as well as recording all my calories on myfitnesspal.com. That way I could eat cake and still stay under my daily calorie allowance. So...maybe that balance isn't as elusive as I think it is sometimes.

I'm still struggling with not eating sugar. And thanks to myfitnesspal.com I didn't realize how much salt I was eating everyday. I don't usually sprinkle salt on my food, but just the salt in the foods I eat is too much. Time to start buying all that reduced sodium, reduced fat, and no sugar added kind of stuff at the store. *sigh*

One thing I did really well this week: When I workout on the treadmill I put Pandora.com on my computer. After warming I walk to one song then run to one song. This week towards the end of the running songs I cranked up the treadmill and did sprints for about 10 to 30 seconds. I'm hoping this will push my performance out of my comfort zone.

One thing to improve on: Diet. I need to make better choices. Less sugar. Less salt. More veggies.

What I'm listening to this week: "Love You Like a Love Song" channel on Pandora.com.

How Many Calories Does the Happy Dance Burn?

First week of 2012=AWESOME!

I lost 7.2 pounds!

*happy dance*

I know not every week is or should be like that. But that first week of dedicated weight loss is always the funnest, isn't it?

Ahhh! 7.2 pounds! That's like a newborn baby. That's like almost a gallon of milk. That's like a strange movie from Will Smith.

For those of you who are going to ask--and I know you're going to--"How did you do it?", my answer is... The good old fashioned healthy way. Exercise and watching what I eat.

I worked out every day of the week except Sunday. Some days I walked/jogged/hiked on the treadmill. Some days I played Just Dance 3 on the Wii. One day I did Pilates. The workouts lasted anywhere from 30 minutes to almost an hour.

Food wise...I'm now using myfitnesspal.com to log my daily calories (and exercise). At first I was afraid it would be tedious, but now I feel it's kind of liberating. I know exactly what I can eat and how effective my exercise is. There's no guessing or second guessing. It's right there on my computer screen. I love it! (I'm "eveperks" by the way if you want to buddy up.)

That's it. No pills. No juice diets. No low carb program. Just counting calories and wiping sweat.

How was your first week of 2012?

What I'm listening to lately: Daft Punk and "Barbra Streisand" by Duck Sauce.

Fresh New Year, Fresh New Start

Is anyone surprised that after months of absence that I am checking in here at The Jolly Green Giant with the arrival of the new year?

Nah.

My guess is today your mind is similarly occupied: "Let's do something about all this extra body clutter!"

In the spirit of the new year, I'm forgiving myself of the failure of the past several months and giving myself the gift of a fresh new start. Ahhh. Now doesn't that feel better?

Not to turn up my nose at 2011 or anything. It wasn't a total failure. I lost 54.7 pounds in the year 2011. I ran my first 10K race. I learned how to be healthier and happier. I ditched all my maternity clothes and "fat" clothes. My "skinny" clothes are on the verge of being my "fat" clothes. All in all, not a total loss.

But here's to making 2012 an even better and more successful year! A year where I get closer to becoming the person I want to be.

I'm emptying out my goal list from 2011 and recording it here.
Exercise one day.
Exercise 3 days in a row.
Exercise every day for a week (6 days).
Lose 10 pounds.
Start P90X (03 Oct 2011)
Run 1 mile without stopping.
Lose 25 pounds.
Lose 30 pounds.
Run 2 miles without stopping.
Run 3 miles without stopping.
Run 4 miles without stopping.
Lose 40 pounds.
Run 6 miles without stopping.
Run 10 miles.
Join the gym.
Try Zumba.
Try Spinning.
Master the Plow (yoga balance position).
Hike a mountain.
Learn how to lift weights correctly.
Complete P90X.
Lose 50 pounds.
Run a 10K. {Pocatello Gap~03 Sep 2011~1:13}
Lose 60 pounds.
Lose 70 pounds.
Lose 75 pounds.
Run a Half Marathon. {Pocatello Gap September 2012}
Lose 81.6 pounds by Cee's 1st birthday (January 20, 2012).
Lose 90 pounds.
Lose 100 pounds.
Run a Marathon.
Keep weight off for one year.
Be healthy for LIFE!

And then it's time for a new goal list for 2012 (even if it is a tad familiar):

Today, January 2, 2012, I am 5'10" and weigh 226.8 pounds. I wear a size 18-20 dress and pant size. In 365 days I still want to be 5'10" and stable at 175 pounds, wearing a size 12-14.

Run 1 mile without stopping.
Run 2 miles without stopping.
Run 3 miles without stopping.
Run 5 miles without stopping.
Run 7 miles without stopping.
Run 10 miles without stopping.
Try Zumba.
Try Spinning.
Complete P90X.
Hike something big.
Lose 10 pounds.
Lose 20 pounds.
Lose 25 pounds by 31st birthday {April 18, 2012}.
Lose 30 pounds.
Lose 40 pounds.
Lose 50 pounds.
Run first half marathon {Portneuf Gap ~ September 2012}
*(to be modified)