My goals are not working out for me. It's time to change them up.
All of my goals are based on running and after three weeks of trying to run I have had to confess that my body is not ready to run right now. My knees went from irritated to hurt to painful to tear-inducing torture. I began to dread my running days and looking for excuses to get out of it.
Plus my 5 month old baby Cee grew wise to my running routine.
She used to be content to sit in the stroller and sleep or watch. Now she screams the entire 45 minutes. I would run a lap. Pat her and try to soothe her. Run another lap. Pat. Soothe. Run. Soothe. Run. Soothe. It didn't work. Two--TWO!-- moms came wandering by looking to see where the neglected baby was at. It was embarrassing and frustrating.
Have you ever tried to run while listening to a screaming, not crying, but freaking-out-screaming baby???
It feels like trying to jog with someone jogging at your side saying, "You can't do this. You're a bad mom. You're wrong to try. You're fat. Give up. You CAN'T. Just stop."
When I realized how often the word "can't" was rolling through my brain, I started talking to myself out loud to drown out the pessimism.
"I CAN do this. I NEED to this. I am NOT a bad mom. I CAN do this!"
But between the crying knees and crying baby...I have to call it quits. Not on exercise altogether. Just on jogging for right now. This is not positive exercise.
Maybe when Cee is a little older.
Maybe when I'm fifty pounds lighter.
Maybe when my husband is in town longer than the weekend and I don't have four littles along for the ride.
But now I have this list of goals that includes running miles and 5Ks and even a marathon. I don't know what goals to make if they don't involve distances like that. Where do I go from here? I'm afraid my exercise motivation is wandering.
I keep meaning to officially start P90X, but I'll admit it. I'm scared. Pull ups? Push ups? Eek!
I feel like I have hit a wall. I know there's a way over it. I just don't know how yet.