Getting a little more JOLLY, a little more GREEN, and a little less GIANT.

29 June 2011

Gangrene Goals

My goals are not working out for me. It's time to change them up.

All of my goals are based on running and after three weeks of trying to run I have had to confess that my body is not ready to run right now. My knees went from irritated to hurt to painful to tear-inducing torture. I began to dread my running days and looking for excuses to get out of it.

Plus my 5 month old baby Cee grew wise to my running routine.

She used to be content to sit in the stroller and sleep or watch. Now she screams the entire 45 minutes. I would run a lap. Pat her and try to soothe her. Run another lap. Pat. Soothe. Run. Soothe. Run. Soothe. It didn't work. Two--TWO!-- moms came wandering by looking to see where the neglected baby was at. It was embarrassing and frustrating.

Have you ever tried to run while listening to a screaming, not crying, but freaking-out-screaming baby???

It feels like trying to jog with someone jogging at your side saying, "You can't do this. You're a bad mom. You're wrong to try. You're fat. Give up. You CAN'T. Just stop."

When I realized how often the word "can't" was rolling through my brain, I started talking to myself out loud to drown out the pessimism.

"I CAN do this. I NEED to this. I am NOT a bad mom. I CAN do this!"

But between the crying knees and crying baby...I have to call it quits. Not on exercise altogether. Just on jogging for right now. This is not positive exercise.

Maybe when Cee is a little older.
Maybe when I'm fifty pounds lighter.
Maybe when my husband is in town longer than the weekend and I don't have four littles along for the ride.

But now I have this list of goals that includes running miles and 5Ks and even a marathon. I don't know what goals to make if they don't involve distances like that. Where do I go from here? I'm afraid my exercise motivation is wandering.

I keep meaning to officially start P90X, but I'll admit it. I'm scared. Pull ups? Push ups? Eek!

I feel like I have hit a wall. I know there's a way over it. I just don't know how yet.


Jodi said...

I wonder if there is a class at your local gym that you might enjoy. Usually a Community Center will offer different types of exercise classes for quite a bit cheaper than a regular gym. Sometimes you can even just buy a punch card instead of a membership. Most of them also have a very cheap daycare center where your kids could play for an hour. Don't know if you'd feel comfortable with that or if there's even an option like that nearby you. It just sounds like you need some support and if you payed for a class and didn't have to worry about the kids while you worked out, maybe it would be easier and less stress. That may not be the solution for you. Personally, it's easier for me when someone's there telling/showing me what to do and I can just follow along! I like my Windsor Pilates tapes, but have to wait until the kids are in bed to do them because it just doesn't work to have them around if I'm wanting a serious workout. I enjoy riding bikes and walking with them also, but again - not for a serious workout. If we lived closer to town I would definately be signed up for a class at the Comm Rec Center. Just a thought - and a long one at that!

Brittany said...

Oooo, I second Winsor Pilates!! It is a great workout. Whenever I start doing it I notice a difference almost immediately. Let me know if you are interested, and I can maybe lend you my DVDs.

I am looking forward to be un-pregnant so I can start P90X too!

Jenetta said...

P90X is definitely not a good idea right now. Sorry. It's meant for people who are already in relatively good shape. It's meant to push them to a new level. I have the dvd's and although I love them I can't get much out of them because I'm just physically not able to do what they ask. There's a program called P90 that they have for more beginner types. I have that one also and it's much more manageable to get into. My goal is to excel in the P90 ones and then move onto the p90X ones. There's nothing wrong with walking. I also would recommend something like the community center or a gym that has a scholarship type membership where you can use the ellipticals and possibly even a pool for more low impact but high results work outs. Keep going! Your amazing weight loss has inspired me so much!

Jenetta said...

Definitely try Zumba too. I am a terrible dancer and so self conscious but the one time I tried it I loved it and found myself almost laughing out loud during it because it felt so good. :)

Heather said...

You are doing so great!! And you are so self-aware; I know you are going to be successful in this journey!! I would like to suggest again that you try Zumba. It is SO fun! I am also in love with my Body Combat class (think Kick Boxing). I take both of these at the YMCA, which is much less expensive and much less intimidating than a regular gym. I don't know if there are YMCA's in Utah (I think that's where you live now?), but I agree with the comment to look for a community or rec center at least. The big gyms can be very intimidating and are full of very in-shape single people wearing exercise clothing that is more expensive than my best Sunday dress. Hello! I work out in my oldest t-shirt! I love going to classes at the Y because the time flies by and I have made a lot of friends. We are all in "it" together, and there is a definite comraderie (sorry, I have no idea how to spell that)! I can easily do an hour-long class, but could never endure an hour on the treadmill, so I end getting many more calories burned too. One more plus to the YMCA is they have free day care, so you can drop your kiddos off for an hour while you work out! If you don't have that possibility, maybe you could go in the evenings or find a friend to swap with. Good luck!

{leah} said...

There is nothing wrong with putting a few more goals between you and a 5K. You are being really smart with this and I am proud of you. I hurt my knees in High school and had to opt out of a scholarship.... it was more important for me to be able run and jump and play with my future kids than it was for me to run in college. I think the same is true for you. It's more important for you to have knees so you can play with the littles than it is for you to do a 5K in 3 months.

Pilattes is a good workout and it's something that you can do once the kids are in bed or even in the morning. The Y is a good place to go for to workout. The child care is pretty go and the membership is base on income.

I really do understand how you feel about working out. It was really hard when Steve was over seas. I had to get a babysitter to do a really good workout. I hated working out on someone else's schedule.

I think the key is finding soemthing that works for YOU. Yoga totally works for my sister... not for me. I love spinning... Steve hates it and won't do it. Some people like a step class/routine... others have no rhythm.{me} Try out a couple other things and find what you like, and if you like it you'll see results because you'll want to push yourself more.