Getting a little more JOLLY, a little more GREEN, and a little less GIANT.

02 June 2011

I'm Losing It and I Don't Mean the Weight

UGH!!

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ugh.

I warned you. This could get whiny. Well, I would hate to disappoint.

I'm losing it! And by "losing it" I don't mean the weight.

I am losing my self control.
I am losing my motivation.
I am losing my desire to want to be skinny and healthy.

You know that stupid phrase that goes something like "No food tastes as good as skinny looks"?

Poppycock. Nonsense. Balderdash. Milarky. Bull honkey.

Have you ever tasted Mrs. See's chocolates??? No skinny jeans feel as good as that creamy sweet chocolately goodness melting on your tongue.

Three plus weeks into this journey and I still struggle to feel any stronger than I did on day one. I want to eat all the junk. I cave when my husband says "let's put ice cream in with those strawberries instead of yogurt". "Just a little bit" quickly spirals out of control into "all of it".

*head drops on desk*

I HATE THIS!!!!

I am not losing weight like I did when I was in my 20s!
I can't stand watching everybody else eating all the yummy stuff while I gnaw on green leafy things!
I'm sick of obsessing over every little thing that does or does not come near my mouth!

I'm exhausted from trying to fit a workout in every day! Being a mother is a workout in itself. That should count for something, but it doesn't. Being a mother got me to 281.5 pounds.

Well, it wasn't just being a mother, but that didn't help the weight situation.

I get angry--like real hot steaming mad angry--thinking about all the things I need to deny myself if I want to be successful at this.

I feel hopeless thinking even if I am successful with this, will I just gain it all back like I have every other time before?

As you can tell my thoughts are not in such a rainbows and puppy dog tails place tonight...

I have appreciated hearing things like "Take this one day at a time" and "Every day is a new day". If I keep thinking about that I won't let the way I have been feeling the last few days take me down.

Ugh.

Just keep swimming...just keep swimming... Even when I feel like I am drowning...in chocolate...Stop that!...in celery and green leafy salad and oatmeal and whole grains and... *sob*

5 comments:

Jenetta said...

I feel the same way all the time! I went swimming for a half hour yesterday, intense lap swimming, and ate very healthy the rest of the day. Then, when I weighed myself this morning my weight had gone UP 1.8 pounds. I just said to heck with it and drank a soda right there.

MiMi said...

I know I know. You are preaching to the choir!

Myya said...

I Think you might possibly have hit every single thought that runs through my head on a daily basis. Hang in there my friend we are in the same boat. Skinny or not I know you'll be my friend & it absolutely is the same back atcha.

shortmama said...

I swear you wrote this post from my head! After a couple weeks I get the same way...I just want to give up and say Im happy being fat...and some days I am, but most of the time Im not.

Lisa said...

Sounds like you have quite the backing - we all agree and feel the same way. And we're all rooting for you!!!