Running in the Rain

As a young girl, I saw enough romantic movies and heard enough passionate tales to know one thing was certain:

A kiss in the rain is worth a thousand normal kisses.

Rain kissing meant passion.
Soaking wet smooches ensured your true love was true.
Dry kisses? Meh. Damp, rainy kisses? Ooo-la-la!

So when I was 17, I had my first kiss. On a mountain side. In a rain storm. It was the most romantic moment of my young life...Until our lips actually touched.

Rain + kissing = Eww.

On the other hand...

Rain + running = HALLELUJAH!

Talk about passion, romanticism, guts and glory, and feeling alive! Take a run in a rainstorm and you'll know what I mean. I finally got my first rain run of the summer in this week! AHH! I love it! Especially during the summer.

Have you ever ran in the rain? What do you think? Cool, cleansing, invigorating blessing from Mother Nature? Or damp, chilly, chafing Karma curse?

One Year Ago Yesterday

Yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary. I couldn't resist peeking back on the blog to see what I was whining about back then. I had this dim memory of being really excited about running one mile without stopping. Sure enough...I was thrilled with running one dinky little mile.

Wanna know how much I ran on my anniversary this year?

5 miles!

And wanna know how much weight I lost since my last anniversary?

Last year on July 11th I was pretty thrilled with being at 251.3. That meant I had lost 30.2 pounds so far.

This year on July 11th I weighed 194.4. That's 56.9 pounds lost since my last wedding anniversary!!! and 87.1 total pounds lost over my weight loss journey!!

Do you know how amazing that feels?!

For anyone who is reading this and thinking, "Well, sure...That was easy for you. But I can't do it..."

SHUT UP!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!

This was anything but easy for me! If you've read this blog at all over the last year or so you've heard me whine and cry and complain. You've seen me fail over and over again. You've watched me fall off the bandwagon only to keep getting up and getting back on. So many times over.

I have worked for every single pound lost and I have worked hard.

But that doesn't make it an impossible thing either. This weight loss thing ain't easy, but it's so so so worth it. I am so much happier than I was a year ago. I used to struggle with depression constantly. I hated myself. I hated my life. I hated my body. That depression is not totally gone, but it is so much easier to deal with now.

I have a confidence now that I did not have a year ago. I actually like to leave my house and see people now. I can do things, miraculous things, like run 6 miles at a time or hike a mountain or play with my kids or shop in the "normal" clothes section at the store or walk into a running store without (much) fear or pose for a picture and not loathe the person I see on the image.

If you are considering a weight loss journey of your own this is my advice to you:

Give yourself a year. Realize that this is no simple easy little trip. This takes dedication, persistence, and hard work. Don't fall apart because you haven't lost 30 pounds in 3 weeks. Give yourself time. Give yourself a break.

Even if you can only do one pushup, that's one more pushup than you could do sitting on the couch. Even if you crash off your healthy eating and go psycho on a bag of Oreos, you don't have to give up. Try harder the next day. And keep going the next day. And the next and the next and the next. Until one day you look back and realized you have become a different person. You'll be cranking out pushups and ignoring Oreos like nobody's business.

YOU CAN DO IT!!! For reals! Just get up and do it!

My daughter watches this stupid cartoon on Netflix. Something about Sky Dancers. They say this phrase over and over again. "If it is to be, it's up to me!" SOOOOOOO true my friends! No one else is going to drag you off the couch. No one is going to shove you out the door. No one is going to dump that 44 oz soda cup out. It's up to YOU. If it's gonna happen it's because YOU did it. And how sweet will the success be when you know YOU did it?

Word.

Zuuuuuumba!

Try Zumba.

Done and done.

But not done. I gotta try this again. I can't let some silly little exercise program make me feel like some uncoordinated, klutzy, white girl. (Even if that's what I am...)

A few (honest) thoughts after my first experience with Zumba:

1. I'm so grateful I was able to do this in the privacy of my own home all by my jiggly, stumbly, stiff-hipped self.

2. Sweat. I haz it.

3. My daughters actually labeled what I was doing as "dancing" and not having a seizure. Not bad for an old lady, eh?

4. Honestly...it feels like a step down from the intensity of running or P90X. But that's okay! It's cool. I can do this on my off days from running. It will be something fun, yet aerobic. I could see Zumba being a great exercise for someone who hasn't exercised in forever and is looking to get active and healthy without going insane. It's fun. It's (fairly) easy. It will get you moving and sweating.

5. Finally, it felt kind of cheesy. I've been listening to lots of women praising Zumba as THE Exercise for years. I couldn't shake the feeling (along with my hips...har har har) that I was finally jumping on the overcrowded, Mormon housewife, stay at home mommy, in desperate need of Mommy Time, wanting to learn some new bedroom moves bandwagon. Blah. Or is that baaaa? (Get it? Like as in a sheep?)

After a few more private sessions at home I think I might want to give this a try in a real class with real people. Eek! Then we will see if I can be so snobby about it.

Of Womanly Checkups

I had my yearly exam today.

Ohhhh...How I dread these appointments. Pap smears and breast exams. Not exactly my idea of a good time. Oh and then there's the matter of checking in with the doctor's scale. And trying to squeeze in to one of those gowns that covers...nothing. Especially when you're fat. And why on earth do they position you so your back is to the door? This is all fine and well IF your gown actually covers your tushy. But if it doesn't...then you just mooned whoever happened to be passing by in the hallway. And this moon ain't anything to howl at.

Today, being 85 pounds lighter, I didn't dread it nearly as much. At my last appointment my very kind and thorough doctor decided to tackle the issue of my weight. At one point during our time together last year he leaned forward in his chair, placed his face on his clasped hands, looked me in the eye, and very gently and earnestly said, "Well, what are we going to do about it?"

"It" meaning my being of an obese nature.

I wasn't offended by this inquiry. He had somehow magically made it "our" problem and not just mine. He seemed to truly care about my health, not just physically, but mentally as well. I instantly felt that he was there to help and cheer me on if I needed it.

There really wasn't much he could actually do. But just the idea that he sincerely cared about it was enough. I silently vowed to return to his office in a year in a healthier state of being.

And I did.

I couldn't wait to jump on the scale and show the nurse just how far I had come since last year. Her reaction, as well as the reaction of my OBGYN, was well earned. They were amazed! My doctor just kept saying, "You are so awesome! That is so awesome! Awesome! Awesome! Awesome!" And then he talked to me as if I were an equal about what steps I was taking to keep progressing in my journey towards health. He offered advice and asked for some in return. This was new.

And guess what?! My gown actually fit! I slipped it on and wrapped it around, tying it in the back with no moonbeams even close to shining out. It was even a little big on me. That was new too.

The pap smear and the breast exam...not so new. Same old uncomfortable necessary junk there.

Regardless, I walked out of the office with a bounce to my step and a curiosity about what my next meeting with my doctor next year would be like. How much more will I have lost next year? Will I have finished a marathon? Will I be a triathlete by then? Will I fall apart and gain it all back?

Blah Blah Blah

Blah blah blah.

I've been missing, but now I'm back.

Blah, blah, blah.

Same old story.

Blah blah blah.

Man! What happened to me? I used to be rather passionate about blogging. And now...pfffffffffft <---That would be the sound that a balloon makes when all the hot air runs out of it. Or in this case...a blogger. Minus the hot air that is.

Speaking of "used to be passionate"...I used to be kind of passionate about weight loss too.

But something happened to me when I got below the 200 mark.

I got comfortable.

It was really lovely to not be 200 something pounds anymore.
And it was really lovely to fit in my clothes.
And it was really lovely to even be able to zip up my wedding dress (and who needs to breathe anyway, right?)
And it has been SUPER lovely hearing all the compliment about how great I look.
And it was lovely lovely being able to eat just about anything I wanted and still maintain my weight.

But all that lovely feels wrong sometimes.

I had a goal. I wanted to reach my pre wedding weight of 175. And while I may be really pleased with losing 80 plus pounds and fitting comfortably in a size 14 and hearing from everyone how fantastic I look...

It boils down to this.

As comfortable as I've been being where I'm at, I'm still not comfortable in my own skin. I still feel "fat". Some might feel I have a skewed view. I believe my dad's words were: "I think you look rather piqued". But by medical definition, at 5'10" and 197.6 pounds (my weight today by the way), I am still a good 30 pounds overweight. My little weight loss journey is far from over. I've been relaxing far too long in Dr. Pepper and Chocolate Land. It's time to get serious again and get back on the bandwagon.

I recently finished P90X and now I'm getting focused on running again. I am in the midst of a 10 week training program for my half marathon zooming right up on me on September 1st. I am really slow. My average mile time is rarely lower than 11 minutes per mile. But I can go the distance. Last Saturday I did a 6 mile run/walk in the morning and stayed busy the rest of the day throwing a cowgirl birthday party for my little 4 year old. The fact that I didn't drop dead, or even feel like dropping dead, during the day felt like an accomplishment to me.

I think my running would go a lot better if I could just get my head back into healthy eating. I've fallen into the pop pit again. It's time to kick the soda habit back into submission. I am trying to track my calories better and work out even on my days off from running. A little cross training never hurt anyone.

My current ultimate goal is to lose that 25 to 30 pounds by the end of the summer. I don't want to carry it with me through that half marathon. It needs to go!! Once upon a time I had enough self control to drop 83.9 pounds. I need that power again. I want to see that 100 pounds lost mark!