A Weekend to Remember: I Made It!

Here we are on the other end of the Memorial Day weekend and whew! I made it!

Twas not easy.

My dad did his very best to pull out all the stops on the goodies and sugary treats. (I don't know if I ever realized what a sugar fiend my dad is. Maybe this is where I inherited it...)

Every time he or someone else pulled out the ice cream or the cookies or the buttery, salty popcorn or the smores or the cans of pop or this or that, I followed Nancy Reagan's logic.

Just say NO.

It was kind of hard the first time around, but guess what! It got a little easier each subsequent time.

No. Nope. None for me thanks. No thank you!

I did buckle with a small ice cream cone I shared with my husband and a handful of peanut M&Ms, but other than that I really tried to be a good girl. I worked out a couple of times and ate as many fruits and veggies as I could get my hands on.

(Thanks to my family for taking note, for cheering me on, and for encouraging me to make better food choices.)

So. I imagine the big question is: Did it pay off in the end?

Kind of.

Instead of gaining, instead of maintaining, I lost 2 pounds. Making my total weight loss over the last three weeks: 12.6 pounds.

I should probably be more excited about that than I am. I mean, come on! I managed to survive a holiday weekend with family without gaining weight. That's nothing to bat your eyes at.

So I won't.

I'll take my two pounds and persevere. Here's to more pounds lost this week now that I am back home and in total control of my situation!

Worried for the Weekend

It's Memorial Day weekend.

A weekend we remember those who fought and died for our country.

A weekend we visit and reminisce about our departed loved ones.

A weekend that kick-starts summer.

A weekend full of food.

BBQ, hamburgers and hot dogs, corn on the cob, ice cream, homemade root beer, creamy, puffy, sugary, starchy salads, and junk food galore.

I am scared.

Scared that I will give in and surrender to Memorial Day weekend and gain right back the 10.6 pounds I have lost over the last two weeks.

I can't let this weekend take me down.

We have traveled out of town to be with family. In my family, as with most families I assume, family time=eating.

I am going to do my best to load my plate with green salad and veggies instead of the starchy salads and carbs. I'll stick to the no pop rule I have placed on myself. I will avoid the late night goodies of popcorn, ice cream sundaes, and candies.

I feel like I am under attack and it's all on the home front.

I'm not going to lie; it's gonna be hard. To watch all my skinny siblings and their skinny spouses and the skinny kids eat all that junk while I munch away on carrot sticks. I might cry a bit. But hopefully I'll be crying with joy when I see more success on the scale Monday morning.

Gotta keep that in mind...

P.S. I can't seem to make it past 4 days of working out in a row. I'm already at 4 this week. tomorrow would be 5. I think I am really going to stick it to holiday temptation by going for a good long walk tomorrow.

sTResS is an Emotion

In an earlier post I fessed up to being an emotional eater.

Emotions like: sadness, hopelessness, depression, fear, anxiety, happiness... (Yep! She eats when she's happy too, folks.)

And let us not forget STRESS.

Newsflash: I eat when I am stressed.

I hear about people NOT eating when they are stressed and unintentionally losing loads of weight. As much as I wouldn't want their problems that caused the stress in the first place, sometimes I wish I had THAT problem.

Instead of losing weight I find myself packing on the pounds in periods of pressure.

Times like now, when Joe is out of town AGAIN and I am left alone for days on end, but not really alone thanks to these four kids. These four kids who I love more than life itself, but who have a particular knack for driving me into a stress-induced feeding frenzy.

Tonight was particularly trying as bedtime was going later than usual, not less than three children were making some sort of tumult about various issues, I am tripping over toys and shoes strewn across the floor to get to the screaming baby who has been demanding my attention for the last twenty minutes while I try to hurry and finish making dinner or hurry and serve dinner or hurry and eat dinner or hurry and clean up after dinner so the mess isn't ten times worse tomorrow. Just hurry hurry hurry so I can soothe her screams.

Stress, I tell you.

And as that stress builds I can feel that demon inside me demanding one thing and one thing only.

"CHOCOLATE...CHOCOLATE....CHOCOLATE!!! CHOCOLATE NOW WOMAN!!!"

I can hear it even now as I write these words with a particularly alert at such a late hour Cee in my lap.

I am writing this post just trying to keep my mind and fingers busy and ignoring that inner voice, that call of the wild, that Jekyll to my Hyde, that incessant lust for chocolate.

Call a priest. I may need an exorcism.

Two Weeks In

I weighed myself this morning hoping I had lost maybe 4 pounds this week.

7.6 pounds lost?!?!

Yeehaw!!

That makes a total of 10.6 pounds lost in two weeks. I must be doing something right.

I celebrated my victory with a pancake and bacon breakfast.

JUST KIDDING!

But I did make some peanut butter candy (of the school district variety) and instead of nibbling away at the whole pan over the day, I ate a few small pieces, cut up the rest, and ran them over to the neighbors.

Not only do I get to enjoy my treat, I avoid the calories, and make nice with my neighbors. Everybody's a winner.

And today...I have to admit, I feel like I am WINNING!! (Can't say that without thinking of one Mr. Sheen.) At least winning the weight battle. I know I have so far to go and this is just a small victory, but it's a great kick start for the rest of the war.

I'm one-tenth the way there. And that's a heckuva a lot farther than I was two weeks ago. Who knew two weeks could change a person's outlook? Instead of feeling like a waste of (a rather large piece of) space, I feel...

proactive
in control
positive
optimistic
eager to try

Not every moment of every day feels like that. Every day is a roller coaster ride of anger, sadness, despair, hope, courage, willingness to try, pride, defeat, anger, sadness, despair....and back up again.

I hope as I make more progress, that roller coaster will only level out more and more until it doesn't feel like such an hourly power struggle. I think I can feel that happening already.

My husband is out of town this week which is good because I don't have to cook for him and I can eat as healthy as I want without his whining and complaining that I'm starving him. And bad because I miss him and want to dive head first into the bag of chocolate chips sitting in my pantry to soothe my pain.

It doesn't help that I get frustrated and overwhelmed with taking care of four littles all on my own. My previous reaction to my temporary stints in single motherhood was that as soon as the kids were in bed, I would watch a movie and eat mindlessly, out of boredom, out of loneliness.

I've been trying to replace those late night cravings for sweets with berries and low-fat vanilla yogurt. It's working so far.

Well, two weeks in and going strong. Thanks for all the comments of support! I think about them often during those nasty roller coaster plunges. Who knew blogging could overpower the urge to eat chocolate??? Amazing.

On to week three...

This Magic Moment

It happened.

That magic moment happened.

That moment when the music is just right. The mood is upbeat. The energy level is unfathomable.

I had that moment where exercise felt good instead of desperate.

I had already been jumping, sweating, and puffing for 30 minutes (the allotted time for my workout) when suddenly...

I felt like I could give go forever.

Or at least the five minutes until I needed to go pick up my son from school.

It...was...awesome.

That's happened to me a couple of times that I can remember. I think some call it "runner's high". It's an incredible feeling. One I hope to recapture often.

My exercise "program" this week has been dictated by the "Just Sweat" option on our "Just Dance 2" Wii game.

I may not look especially cool when I'm "dancing". My four year old confirmed that today when she asked me why my cheeks were so red. Awesome.

Oh well. I am lovin' it! Who knew exercise could be this much fun? And my kids can actually participate instead of crawling all over me or sticking their fingers in dangerous treadmill belts.

I highly suggest the "Just Dance" Wii games for the weight-impaired looking to be physically repaired and not so peared (shaped). Note: "Just Dance 2" seems to be a little more aerobic than the first "Just Dance".

Any other suggestions for "fun" exercise that can be done with four littles???

Lest you thought I forgot...

Hi.

*waves*

Remember me?

I didn't forget.

In fact this little blog and its proclamations of fatty defiance kept me going some days and trying most days. there was one day when I wanted to completely give up, but I knew I just couldn't because I would be just too ashamed to face my 15 followers with the news that I had fizzled out so quickly.

Fizzle I did not. But almost.

See...There's this little thing called emotional eating.

*raises hand* Guilty as charged.

When things begin to get rough, the very first thing I want to do is run into the safe embrace of my refrigerator doors.

I had been doing quite well at my healthy eating this week. It had been really difficult to get any exercise routines in (besides the one half hour of playing Just Dance Wii with the kids that I am TOTALLY counting as exercise) but I had been eating healthy. Very little sugar. Decreased carbs. Lots of fruits and veggies and water.

Then Friday came and I got some rough news.

What was the first thing I did?

Well, after crying a bit, I scarfed down a Milky Way Midnight, my very favorite candy bar.

I don't know why that seemed like a logical thing to do or something that would make me feel better, because immediately after I felt...broken. I had lost some sort of control I had gained over the past couple of days.

The gate had been opened.

The rest of they day I also consumed pizza, three sodas, and a few other unhealthy things.

I felt defeated. One little candy bar David took out this Not-so Jolly Green Giant.

Dumb.

When I weighted myself the next day and saw my weight loss had not been as dramatic as I had hoped (Hmm...pizza, soda, chocolate...Oh My!) I had the nagging thought to totally give up and just resign to being fat forever.

But then I thought of this blog.

Can't do it.

I've got an audience now that's keeping me true to my word.

Dangit.

So...Thanks for following, thanks for spurring me on, thanks for making me embarrassed enough to keep going out of pure shame.

P.S. I have had a couple of people say they want to join me. Honestly, it takes me everything I have just to watch out for my own weight loss progress. I don't have the energy or time to host any kind of "Biggest Loser" contest. Not yet. A little friendly competition would be...good. But I'm not sure how to construct it without getting too overwhelmed or going overboard. Any ideas?

P.P.S. I am down 3 pounds this week. Nothing to write home about, but nothing to scoff at either.

P.P.S.S. I am rededicated today. Exercise, water, and limited calories. On to a better, candy-bar-less week 2!

And so it begins...

I blog.

Therefore I don't do anything else.

Not entirely true.

But you see blogging is so much more fun than exercising.

But I got to thinking...

What if I could bring the two together,
hopefully inspiring me to exercise and be healthy if I knew I had the reward of blogging about it later?

Eh? Eh?

It could work. Let's see shall we?.

It is Monday, May 9, 2011.

I am 30 years old. I am a mother. I have four kids. Those four children are my life. I need to be healthy so I can be around for my life.

Because I hear when you're dead...You can't be alive. Huh. Go figure.

I also hear if you drink pop, eat sugar and fat, and don't exercise that you're a lot more likely to be dead.

Rats.

I kind of like pop and sugar and delicious food fat and not getting overly sweaty.

Probably why I now weigh more than I ever have before.

Yikes. I'm going to do it. I'm going to put THE NUMBER out there.

{gulp}

As of this morning, I weighted 281.5 pounds.

{hangs head in shame}

That is humiliating. That is shameful. That makes me angry and sad and embarrassed and overwhelmed.

It really just feels way too big and way too impossible to change.

But I have to. I just have to.

So today, I am going to start.

Nothing like a Monday to start fresh, right?

This morning found the Couch to 5K program online. I ate oatmeal (WITHOUT the sugar), strawberries, and skim milk for breakfast. I have been drinking water--4 glasses in already and it's not even 10 am.

Go me.

Oh and my phone timer just went off signalling that Bountiful Baskets is opening for ordering in 15 minutes. I'm there. Because I'm going to surround myself by all that is green and healthy and good for me.

This Jolly Green Giant is going to eat her veggies
and get a little more green,
a little more jolly,
and a little less giant.

{big deep breath}