29 August 2011
Triumphs and Troubles
5.4 pounds lost.
48.3 pounds total since 09 May 2011.
Funny how my weight loss goals start to get back in line just when my fitness goals are driving me crazy.
It was a hard week of running last week. Every day of running was excruciating to get through. One morning as I was bustling around the house cleaning, I bent forward and felt a rip in my upper back left leg. PAIN! It was sore the rest of the day and I wanted to cry with fear and frustration that my running goals were slipping through my hands. I ran that night anyway. The pain wasn't bad by then. But half a week later I can still feel it, nagging and pecking away at my self doubt.
My Saturday run was frustrating too. Usually my Saturday runs are glorious and triumph-laden. I had planned and fully expected to run 7 miles. But I couldn't run the whole thing. I ended up walking throughout.
After a run, I always feel accomplished when I did it "clean" meaning to me that I ran the entire distance I had planned to run. No walking. No shortcuts. No excuses. So after walking through parts of a 7 mile run I couldn't help but feel I had cheated and that my 7 miles was no accomplishment.
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I a perfectionist when it comes to running?
Is there anything wrong with walking parts of a running route?
Does it still "count"?
I wonder if I need to change my expectations of myself.
Or I wonder if this is just a bad week or I'm over training or I'm injured or...or...or...
I worry that I have pushed my body to its limit and this is it for me. I hate that! I hate feeling like I can't do it. And that's exactly how I feel this week. And just when I had decided I wanted to try for a full marathon next year...(Shh! I didn't say that out loud.)
Good week for weight loss. Bad week for fitness progress. We shall see what this week brings...